Brian Walker’s wakeup call came from a series of automobile accidents.
He already knew his son Logan smoked marijuana. Brian certainly didn’t condone it, but felt a bit hypocritical condemning it: He and his wife had done some “experimenting” in their pre-Christian days. Brian had a serious talk with his son, and Logan promised to quit.
About a year later, Logan’s grades started to slip. Brian also noticed that his son’s friends were coming in through the basement door, where they wouldn’t have to walk by the adults. In retrospect, Brian said, “I think Logan was spiraling down pretty quick.” Yet “the will not to believe” kept blinders over Brian’s eyes.
Then one night Logan called his father in a panic: He’d been in a serious accident that demolished his Jeep. “Logan said a deer ran in front of him,” Brian remembered.
All of Brian’s vague fatherly suspicions were re-awakened, and he actually gave his son an at-home breathalyzer test. When it came up negative, he accepted Logan’s explanation of the deer.
The very next evening, Logan called with news of another crash, this time with his girlfriend’s car. Neither teen was was hurt, but the circumstances finally made Brian take action. “About two in the morning, I went to an all-night drugstore and got one of the more comprehensive [drug] test kits,” Brian said. “Logan tested positive for all kinds of things. Pain pills, Xanax … opiates and benzodiazepines.”
Clearly, Logan had a serious problem. The truth finally hit Brian hard: His son was addicted to prescription drugs.
Tips for Prevention
It’s not unusual for teenagers to be tempted by illegal substances. A few of them, like Logan, will end up with a full-fledged addiction, and many more will “experiment.” As a new school year begins, it’s imperative that Christian parents find ways to discuss drugs and alcohol with their teens.
Ideally, that will happen when the teens themselves bring it up. Robert Pitman, a pastor and a certified addictions counselor, suggests that moms and dads begin by making their homes a safe place for any topic.
“Eliminate the ‘No-Talk Rule,’” he says. “Even if parents are uncomfortable, they need to talk [about hard subjects] as freely as they possibly can with their kids. They don’t need to have all the answers.”
Pitman emphasizes that unless there is proof that a problem has already occurred, parents should never begin with an accusatory tone (for example: “Have you been drinking?”). Instead, a positive approach is best.
“Say, ‘I believe you have it in you to do the right thing,’” Pitman counsels. “‘Sometimes you may make bad decisions, but I want you to know you can come and talk to me about it.’”
If there is a history of substance abuse in your family, this kind of openness is especially important because addiction has a genetic component. Secrecy and shame about the past only make it more likely that kids will be trapped by the “family curse.”
When Trouble Shows Up
Moms and Dads are faced with a difficult dilemma if they discover their children have actually been “experimenting.” On one hand, they must prevent the problem from recurring. On the other hand, harshness can have the opposite of the desired effect.
Pitman suggests that parents tell their children in advance they will not be punished if they call for a “rescue” while under the influence. However, the teens need to know that “when the trust is violated, [it] has to be earned back.”
Parents also must be willing to ask hard questions after an incident. “‘How do you feel about your decision? What will you do differently if you’re in this situation again?’” suggests Pitman. “If the kids resist [discussing the matter], you can put consequences in place: ‘You’re grounded until we talk about this.’”
Some tighter restrictions (not punishments) based on the trust level may be in order. “If you’re dealing with a 13-year-old and you’re driving them places, [you might] say, ‘We don’t feel good about you going to that friend’s house,’” says Pitman. “Or call the other parent [in advance].”
He advises helping kids who have “slipped” to understand the consequences of drug abuse. You might introduce your child to a recovering addict or to watch a TV show together that portrays substance abuse realistically (like Celebrity Rehab with Dr. Drew). If a repeated pattern of drug or alcohol use develops, a visit to an addictions counselor is appropriate—even if you have to drag your teen, kicking and screaming.
Warning Signs
Brian Walker realized too late that he had been blind to his son’s drug problem. He never really adjusted the trust level after he discovered Logan had tried marijuana. He didn’t understand his son’s withdrawal from the family or his slipping grades.
While he took Logan to a counselor once, he also ignored the therapist’s suggestion that his son might have an addiction. Nonetheless, God brought Brian a wakeup call just in time: The two automobile accidents within 48 hours were impossible to ignore.
Against his will, the Walkers checked Logan into rehab. He spent almost a year in two different treatment programs and a halfway house. Now, at age 22, Logan has been clean for five years and is hoping to become an addictions counselor.
Pitman warns parents to be on the lookout for warning signs of various addictions—warning signs that Brian Walker wishes he had noticed with his son. Trouble with the law or school officials is a red flag.
Parents can do a great deal to help their kids make positive choices—and to prevent negative decisions from being repeated. But they can’t keep their teenagers from every pitfall, especially as those teens grow older. For better or for worse, the list of people and influences that have an impact on their lives will grow exponentially.
“No matter how much you want them to stop doing stuff, until they want to stop, nothing’s going to happen,” Brian Walker admits. “I don’t know that we could have prevented [Logan's addiction]. But maybe we could have picked up on it sooner.”
Ultimately, parents must place their children in God’s hands. As the father of two children now in their twenties, Pitman emphasizes the need for spiritual wisdom and discernment. While his own kids have not been snared by illegal substances, he credits only the grace of God for their escape.
“You have to pray [for your teens]. I asked for the protection of the blood of Jesus over their lives,” he says. “And as they get older, you have to release them.”
Copyright © 2010 George Halitzka. All rights reserved. To protect the “Walker” family’s privacy, names have been changed. This article was first published in Living with Teenagers Magazine in the August 2010 issue.
